It has been nearly a year since my last post and I feel a bit guilty about that. But today is a significant anniversary and I think deserves a special mention here. It is now 3 years since my wife was admitted to an aged care facility and it is perhaps a good time to look back over that time and see what I have learned from this situation.

It is 10 years since I noticed  that my wife was having problems with remembering how to do some of the everyday tasks that we all have to do. She showed an unwillingness to make telephone calls or even answer the phone when it rang. Over a sort period of time this non participation was expanded to not knowing how to operate the remote control for the television, not adding sufficient detergent to the washing machine when doing the laundry, and quite a few other actions which had been routine for her over our many years together. Over the next few years she developed two or three compulsive behaviours such as taking a box of tissues and taking each tissue out one after the other until she had little piles of tissues on the table beside her. Another one was to make little rolls of toilet paper from a large roll and leave them around our home. Somewhere along the way she became quite argumentative and no amount of logical reasoning could make her change her opinion on any particular topic. It was only later that I learned not to argue but to accept what she was saying, and then divert her attention to something else.

As the years passed by she became aware that she couldn’t cope with everyday life in the same way as she used to be able. The first big step was for her to accept that she needed help. That came in the form of an assessment called the MMSE (Mini Mental State Examination) which was conducted in October 2011. .

This test confirmed that she had dementia and I was put in contact with various services that could provide help and advice. A year later she had deteriorated to the stage where she need assistance with personal care and dressing. At this point it was necessary to get an assessment for placement in an aged care facility (ACF). This was obtained in September 2012. More services became available to help with her care at this time.

As mentioned  at the beginning of this post it is now 3 years since she first entered an ACF. At that time she was still able to speak, even if the some of the words were made up words, continent, ambulant and able to feed herself. When I visited I would always take her for a walk around the ACF, and we would have afternoon tea together. She is now in the advanced stage of the illness. My wife’s condition is that she is non-verbal, incontinent, immobile and needs assistance with all aspects of daily living. That includes showering, toiletting, dressing and feeding. She spends her days in a princess chair, which is a reclining arm-chair on wheels. Quite often I get no sign of recognition from her when I visit.

In these days when we read of aged persons in care sometimes being abused by a carer, I must say very clearly that I am very grateful for the standard care provided to her by the staff at her ACF. I am confident that she will continue to receive the same quality care for as long as she has the need.

About labtad

Born in Halifax, West Yorkshire, England. Migrated to Australia in 1968 and now live in an outer South eastern suburb of Melbourne. Married since 1966 to my wife who was diagnosed with dementia in 2011. I am an imperfect follower of the Christian faith who believes that most things in life happen for a reason or purpose. The last 12 years, since my wife showed the first signs of having memory problems, have gradually taught me patience, compassion and some understanding of the situations that arise when a person Is living with dementia.
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4 Responses to August 1st 2016

  1. Glenda Cresswick says:

    Thanks Peter for sharing such a comprehensive description of the dementia stages. It is very helpful in our understanding of others, and how best to assist..


  2. Blessings to you Peter, for your dedication to Ann.


  3. Michelle-Colin Sweatman says:

    Thank you for sharing Peter. May the Lord continuously bless you and Ann. It is amazing to know that we all have struggles in life but it is hoiw we fave these that matters. I recently loss my mum and it is not the easiest thing in life but by God’s grace I am coping. I can only say that through your faith you are able to face this life’s challenges with dignity and courage . God bless you always.


  4. Michelle-Colin Sweatman says:

    Thanks for sharing Peter. May the Lord bless you and Ann always. It is amazing to know that most of us are going through tough times one way or another but how we face these challenges that makes us or breaks us. I can only say that by the grace of God are you able to carry on and even share your life’s experiences for others to know what it is like to be in your shoe. Thank you!!!
    I recently loss my mum and it is the most painful thing. But by God’s grace I am able to accept things and know my mum is now in a much better place.

    May the Lord bless and keep you and thank you for your dedication.


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