August 19 2014

I have been reading ‘Loving Someone Who Has Dementia’ by Pauline Ross, PhD. The subtitle is ‘How to Find Hope While Coping With Stress and Grief’. I found the book very helpful in putting into words the emotions I have gone through in my time a carer, and giving pointers on how to cope with the conflicting emotions I experience still, even though my wife has now been in residential aged care for just over 1 year. I read the e-book version available for Kindle from Amazon.

The basic premise of the book is that dementia creates ambiguous loss. Ambiguous loss is defined as loss that is unclear, it has no resolution, no closure. Dementia causes our loved one to become someone we no longer know, they are gone – but still there. This leads to complicated grief. By the time the loved one passes away, very often the carer has grieved several times over at each and every further loss of ability, as the loved one progresses through the various changes caused by the disease.

I highly recommend this book to any person who is caring for a loved one whether they are a parent, child or spouse. The views expressed are so close to my own experiences over the time I was my wife’s carer and now that she is in residential aged care.


About labtad

Born in Halifax, West Yorkshire, England. Migrated to Australia in 1968 and now live in an outer South eastern suburb of Melbourne. Married since 1966 to my wife who was diagnosed with dementia in 2011. I am an imperfect follower of the Christian faith who believes that most things in life happen for a reason or purpose. The last 12 years, since my wife showed the first signs of having memory problems, have gradually taught me patience, compassion and some understanding of the situations that arise when a person Is living with dementia.
This entry was posted in Caring, Dementia, residential aged care and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to August 19 2014

  1. deni53 says:

    I haven’t read this one but thank you for recommending. I think it will also be a very useful resource for health care professionals . I’m going straight onto Amazon to look it up. Very best wishes to your wife & yourself xx


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